A mother’s guilt is the feeling of doubt, guilt and anxiousnesses or feeling uncertain about our future, our children, our relationships or our work.
You can feel guilty that you’re failing short of your own expectations.
Even if you’re a new mum
A working mum
A single working mum
Any of these variables still create a sense of guilt that’s always unique to you
and it can be all-consuming.
Sometimes it can come about because you expect to be earning a certain wage
or feeling a certain way about yourself
or your children
or your job
And when those feelings of happiness or fulfilment are not there
You question what the heck is going on
and usually blame yourself
For not doing the right thing, or not having the ability to know what the right thing even is.
This can start a domino effect of worry in your mind
You can worry about your children
Or what the future holds for you.
When I went back to my corporate job after my 2nd maternity leave, I was feeling this immense sense of guilt for not missing my kids…
Let me correct that…
I only missed one of my kids.
And the guilt I experienced was overwhelming.
It made me angry with myself and and angry with my husband.
Angry with my kids.
I hated myself.
I looked for answers in all the wrong places too
I blamed my parenting skills
I blamed my inability to have maternal instincts like my friends,
Like the those other mothers in my anti-natal group
Like those at my kids’ nursery.
But I was wrong.
There’s no such thing as the tooth fairy you know.
Or the naughty elf.
We created them.
So realising that the ‘perfect mother’ is just another myth is the first step.
If you need to reduce your hours at work to allow more time for you to do the things you need to do at home,
you need to know you have that right to ask.
In the right way.
If you receive a refusal from your employer, you do have other options.
It’s not the end of the line.
if you have exhausted all outside help to assist with childcare, or collecting your kids from the childminder, the nursery or from school…
Such as family members or other parents
Then perhaps it’s time to think of another career direction
And there are plenty of flexible recruiters out there that will help you.
It’s a hidden job market…
but they are there.
Offering flexible and part-time job opportunities to suit YOUR abilities, skills and achievements
This is one way to help reduce the guilt feeling
By doing something for YOU.
And remembering to remove ‘should’ from your vocabulary.
Throw away the idea of what you believe you ‘should’ be doing…
Don’t let Mum guilt keep you hostage.
and make your own rules.
I help mothers who are either returning to their career after motherhood or wish to change their career direction to reclaim their identities, build their confidence and ditch the self-doubt and guilt with my coaching program so that they can show up as the best version of themselves, in work AND at home. If you’d like to know more, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org